Wow. The last...maybe 15 days have been by far the most active and insane of my entire life. Wild. First, I find out that a girl actually likes me...how crazy. And not just any girl, but an incredibly awesome girl. Then, of course, that has to be shattered by another reality that has been building for a while now. My long term relationship with her surfaces in the form of a long, emotional letter and 2 hours sitting on a couch that I can barely remember because my adrenaline and hormones were going so crazy. For real. But then...she falls back. Doesnt really want what she was saying she did. Thinks its a more long term thing, doesnt want to start now...she isnt sure what she feels, though she thinks that we are right. But not now, apparently. She may be right. She needs to get herself together, understand what she actually wants. We both agreed that regardless of what happens or does not, we are each other's best friend. Ahh. But does she really mean that? She can never express it. I only wish she could, and stick to it for more than 2 days before deciding there are limitations. I do look forward to college and the summer--I hope we can get closer and figure ourselves out.

In the meantime, I realized something. Who am I to turn down such an awesome girl when I do truly have feelings for her, just because one of my friends is unnecessarily afraid of losing my friendship? I have a chance for a relationship with her now, why ignore it on the hunch of one, even one like ours. You cant find love where it isnt, and you cant hide love where it is. The only question is, where is it and where isnt it? I know this for one situation. I do not for the other. I will run with what I have; not to would be foolish. So I am in much better spirits. Sweet, says I. Hopefully everything stays together from here.